I Choose to Answer
by Anitra Pachelbel
Summary: Granger: you wrote me a letter asking me why i am the way i am and why i keep 'picking on you and your friends' just this once, i choose to answer
1. prologue part 1

_Disclaimer: I used a line from Kurt Cobain's suicide note. You know the drill, characters not mine, neither is anything you recognize._

Dear Hermionie Granger:

You wrote me a letter, asking why I was the way I was, and why I kept 'picking on you and your friends'.

Just for this once, I choose to answer, but the substance of this letter is for your eyes only.

I once thought that my life was perfect. But as I grew up, I realized that it was everything but that, my father was no longer an idol through my eyes, and I became afraid.

I don't know what I feel, sometimes I don't know if I feel at all. Nothing seems to matter any more- it's better to burn out than fade away- and that's exactly how I feel, I think, I didn't burn out, I had no reason to. Just nothing mattered anymore. I was spiteful, because I was afraid that people would understand how I feel, I wouldn't let anyone in. 

Words of affection and disgust seemed to bounce of my skin, as I felt the fire burn out inside me, the light fade away in my eyes. I could find comfort in nothing and no one. I became depressed by this, but when I lost all expression in my face, people noticed, and they tried to help and make things better, they never realized how useless it all was.

Soon, I didn't care how I felt and I rose out of my depression. Everything was normal around me, but never inside. Then I entered Hogwarts.

I acted like everything was alright, and it worked, nobody seemed to notice. I picked on you because your lives are perfect. I was jealous. I guess I am still. You had all the things I always dreamed of, money isn't everything you know; I may have more money than any of you could ever gain in a lifetime, but I was never loved, by anyone.

So, I was just a mean little rich boy. Soon even twilight faded from me as it turned to a weary darkness. A darkness of mind and soul that blinded me.

I don't have a space where I can just let go, I have to keep straight, hold my head up high and just lock myself inside the deepest part of me. Just keep acting, and be 'me'.

Nobody really likes me, just the person I pretend to be, and even then, few like me. I realized this, and began to want my feelings back, even if it would only make me cry. But my feelings have been locked away too long, and now I can't find them. They're deep inside a safe, and I've forgotten the password.

I've tried to become addicted or a fanatic of some things, perhaps to drive my mind away from it's sheer emptiness.  

I wanted to feel happy, to find something I liked to do. Something I could hide behind, but this too was just useless. I didn't feel sad, and that is just the problem. I didn't feel.

Any feeling now was worth it. So I had one last effort – pain. So I cut myself.

(Why am I telling you this? You will either tell your beloved Harry potter or just go all "it's all right" on me. I answer that one o previous matter. It is not alright. It never will be. Let me find out you told anyone and I will make you HURT. Remember I know exactly how to do that.)

 I watched a small river of blood run my skin. But that was all it was. Blood, on skin. A different color resting on my too pale skin.

I cut myself again and again, waiting for something, but that something never came, because pain is after all, a feeling. And I do not feel anything. So I have been forced toward imagination, and dreams.

Dreams that again showed someone that wasn't me, someone full of things to give, needing none in return.

I need help. Someone that can help me and accept me the way I am. Someone like the person I am in my dreams.

I don't know anyone with those qualities. That is perhaps why that inexistent person haunts my mind, a dream yet to be accomplished. Also, my name brings but disgust and hatred. You should know. I must say that I am sorry, but know you know the true meanings of my insults. 

I know realize that tears were never a weakness but strength. A strength of being able to know how I  felt, and exactly what I wanted. I wish I could be born again, start with a new beginning, but that won't happen, I know. I am surrounded by people, and I feel utterly alone. 

I will be even more alone soon. I will take the dark mark in three days. Please tell no one of this. I do not do it by my own will. That I promise.  For now, I know that even if I look into the fire, I will see black. Everything resumes to black.

Next time you see me, I will throw an insult at you, and you will pretend you are highly offended, and throw another insult back.

Burn this letter, or keep it where no one can see.

See you at dinner; I will go downstairs now, with a big FAKED smile on my face. It will do, it always does.

Draco Malfoy. 

_Should I write a sequel? Review and tell me!_


	2. prologue part 2

Ok people, this is the second part of the prologue, so it's REALLY short. Next will be longer. This is probably the last chapter that involves letters. Dat ok?

abby__

Dear Draco Malfoy:

I honestly did not expect you to answer. I expected more along the lines of snort, tear and throw into the fire.

First of all I want to thank you for answering, and I want to apologize for making you spill your feelings out so raw to me.

I promise I didn't and am not planning to tell Dumbledore or any of my friends about this. I already burnt it.

I don't know how you do it, walk like you're king of the world and everything is perfect when inside you are burning, I had no idea you felt like that, and if his is just some sick joke you will be sorry.

Next time we  see each other, we do not have to throw insults at each other, if you do, I will not answer, because I know you do not mean it. You don't need to be spiteful to everyone, even if it is a way for them not to see through you, I don't think it's right. Maybe if you were just a little kinder and less spiteful, more people would want to be close to you.

About you getting the mark. I will not tell the ministry, or anyone for that matter. But are you sure it's what you want? 

I am not trying to talk you out of anything, but maybe if you told Harry or Dumbledore, they would be able help you.

If you ever need help, owl me, and I would be glad to. Don't be afraid to ask for help, you would be surprised at how many people are willing to help.

Hermionie granger

*¨**

HERMIONIE GRANGER:  
PLEASE HELP ME  
DRACO  MALFOY 

**¨* 

Draco Malfoy 

Meet me in the library in 20 minutes

Hermionie granger

**¨¨*

Hermionie could barley believe what she was doing, but she was glad she had a chance to help someone. Someone who truly needed help, so without thinking it over much, she grabbed a black cloak, and began to make her way to the library.

"Herm, where are you going?"

"Oh! Um, hi Harry, I was just going to the library to…um…study a bit."

"Want company?"

"no thanx, I really have to hurry…bye!"

with that, she took down the hallway at top speed, leaving a very confused Harry behind.

****¨¨*

I hope yo liked!  Theres a little button that says "go" there, on the left side of your screen, next to a small text saying " submit a review"  so,, come on then! PRESS it.!!!! REVIEW!


	3. Chapter 1

**_Disclaimer:_**_ (I also disclaim this disclaimer… but I don't know who's it is…)_

_Harry Potter, Harry Potter_

_Books for young and old_

_The rights to these series,_

_I do not hold_

_So if you're reading and thinking,_

_You could get the rights off me,_

_You are sadly mistaken,_

_I am extremely sorry_

_For they belong to J.K. Rowling,_

_An author of "great" talent_

_And to buy the rights off her,_

_A great amount must be spent…._

_And thus this disclaimer disclaims, _

_And here this poem ends,_

_Continue on and read the fic_

_My friends,_

_For that is what you came for…_

**_Summary: _**__

_Granger:  you wrote me a letter, asking why I kept "picking on you and your friends" just this once, I choose to answer._

**_A/N: _**_Yeah so I finally updated this thing. I would like to thank all my faithful reviewers. It was your persuasion that forced me to continue with this particular piece of work._

_Oh and keep the reviews up!!!!_

**I choose to answer --  Part Three**

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Draco sat alone in the darkest corner of the library at exactly 4:55.  He played beautiful tunes on an invisible piano that was the table – he was nervous.  His hair was, as always, too neat, and his robes were too clean for a sixteen year old boy.

His cologne was of a soft scent, but it gave him an essence. His grey eyes were fixed to his hands, and his feet were tapping the beat to the tunes that he imagined – he truly was nervous.

Perhaps it had all been a mistake… he should have done as granger thought he would've.

He should have laughed at the stupid letter and chucked it into the fire.

He sighed and leant into the table. Resting his small face on his hands.

But he hadn't done that, had he? He sighed again.  Perhaps he could still get away, perhaps he could feign that all of it; the letter, the notes, the meeting… it had all been a setup to get Hermione to wait for him at the library….

But even the Gryffindor knew that he wouldn't plan something so elaborate just to get Granger into a little bit of a mood… he wouldn't even go through  that trouble to harass Potter…

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Hermione Granger rushed in long strides toward the library, her horrid bushy hair flopping behind her. She wasn't a pretty girl. She was slightly chubby and her face was the plain British classic. She, unlike many other girls, took rare time to herself, having spent all her time on books and scrolls of parchment.

Her robes tailed her gracefully and she kept pushing her hair back --- she was nervous.

Perhaps it had all been a mistake… she should've never sent that stupid letter.

She sighed and stopped for a second before continuing on her set journey.

But she had sent it hadn't she?

She was almost at the library, there wasn't much she could do. Except perhaps go into the library and hope that everything would be alright. It was the first time that she would walk into the library without books or need for precise information. She was going to go into that library to have a willing, insult-free talk with DRACO MALFOY!

She sighed and pushed the doors open

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After five minutes of watching his friend leave, Harry Potter decided to follow her. It wasn't that he didn't trust her, neither was it because her behavior had been slightly strange, it was simply because, as ridiculous as it could sound, she had forgotten all her books.

What the hell was Hermione Granger doing in the library then if she had taken no books, no parchment, no quills and she had absolutely no homework?

She couldn't be just reading for the sake of leisure… she was reading a book called "terra nostra" in the common room when she had left… so that was it.

He had decided to follow her

And the sight waiting for him patiently at the library was definitely not what he was expecting to see.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Hermione walked into the library only to find Draco already there.  He had half of his chest sprawled on the table, and he seemed to be drowning in a world consisting merely of his own thought.

She cleared her throat lightly, trying her best not to sound like Umbridge.  It gave just the wanted effect; Draco Malfoy immediately regained his poor composure, and tried his best to look smart, he had always been like that, It caused Hermione a weak smile, and very much to her surprise, he returned it.

Then, Hermione did something that neither expected her to do.  Well, it was an accident really…. She fell! Yep, just something as stupid as that, but in the wrong direction…

And thus, Hermione Granger lies on top of a certain Draco Malfoy; Granger with a strong flush on her cheeks, and Malfoy even paler than usual. It wasn't intentional, It was definitely not what it looked like, but Harry Potter didn't know that when he entered the library of his school.

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD IS GOING ON HERE!!!"

It just HAD to be Harry. Well, that had certainly got Hermione of Draco… As well as the attention of all the Hogwarts population currently situated at the library. It was simple, all she had to do was explain to Harry what was going on!!... But wait, she couldn't do that!!! She had promised to Draco that she wouldn't say anything!!!

So Hermione had to improvise…

She looked at Draco with a go-with-it stare and he nodded very slightly. They both stood up, and Hermione took Draco's hand in her own. This caused the eruption of many gasps and wide eyes from the students that were now circled around the scene. Harry gaped. Draco looked at Hermione, but she had plans of her own…

"Draco and I got together last week"

There was some clapping, a lot of gaping, massive amounts of wide eyes, and most important of all, A VERY angry Harry.

"You betrayed us Hermione"

It was said in a whisper, but the reaction was a great one. Hermione ran out of the library, tears flooding her eyes. Draco, uncharacteristically, ran after her.

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Hermione sat in the corner of one of Hogwarts many hallways, softly crying her eyes out.

Only two whispered words were heard...

"Damn you Malfoy"

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_Well, thus ends this chapter, I hope it was to your liking._

_If there are reviews, I will update VERY  soon!!!!!!!!!!_

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_Anitra__ Pachelbel._


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